Caaliyah's Story

I face GBV and domestic violence.

I was mutilated twice. When I was a young girl before I was married, I was forced to endure female genital mutilation. One day, after when I fall from a tree and stitches came loose, so they stitched me up again.  When I was around 12 years old, I was forced to marry. I then faced domestic violence as my husband used to beat me. He despised me and treated me like his maid. He did not even look at me when he talked to me or I talked to him. Just because I am a woman!

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When I go and complain to my family, they beat me and return me to my husband’s house again. Until one day I was pregnant. He had beaten me and broken my hand. He paid the hospital bills and money to my family, so again my family wanted me to return to him. Instead, I escaped for several days. I had disappeared, but I was pregnant so I couldn’t have my escape. When I returned to my family, he divorced me and took away all my children. He separated me from my newborn baby and he prohibited me to visit them. Until now whenever I call my children, he doesn’t allow me to speak to them, he insults me and hangs the phone up.

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What image represents you?

The lion represents me. I like the way lions are resilient as I am a mother with 5 children. I have been separated from them and live with sadness and anxiousness.

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Fawsia's Story

I had four kids when my husband disappeared. One of my sisters in law saw my daughter while I was bathing her and she shouted at me. She wanted to know why I haven’t mutilated my daughter yet. So, I said ‘I don’t want to do that to her’. However, she and the other members of the family whispered together. And the other day they brought a local gynaecologist to perform the mutilation on my daughter. I shouted and shouted for help, but none of them cared what I  had to say. After a few months had passed, they told me they wanted to arrange a marriage for my girls. So, this time I reacted differently and I pretended I agreed with them. I started planning to escape with my children far away very secretly and I eventually did escape. We are now asylum seekers.

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What image represents you?

The fox represents me because I had to be intelligent and wise to act on their side, while I am not.

Sahra's Story

I was mutilated at a very young age. I had no real pain relief when they cut my genitals.  I was 13 when my father forced me to marry a man. I used to leave him and run away whenever he wanted an intimate act. As I was just a kid, he used to scare me. I tried to tell my family. After two years, I realized my father would never understand my pain and didn’t care. So, I used to defend myself by taking a knife or a rock for the instant when he tries to force me for sexual intercourse. He ejaculated near my vagina. I become pregnant while I am a virgin. I scared the man several times too. There was one time I hurt him by throwing a stone at his head. After that, he divorced me. I did not go home. I left my parents. I went far away from them as I hated my father. Until today, I hate men and I hate sexual intercourse.

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What image represents you?

The elephant represents me as I was strong enough to scare a guy who is way older, bigger and stronger than me. As a kid and a teenager, I had the powerful tool or approach which was my courage. I used it to threaten and to harm him and defend myself. And, it worked.

Waris' Story

After five years of marriage, my husband divorced me because I could not conceive. He left me for another woman that he doesn’t know if she will conceive either. I begged him several times to take me to a doctor for checkups, however, he wouldn’t. He was never ready to spend money on me. I am yet uncertain whether I am infertile, but I heard he got children from another woman. Now that I am a refugee, I struggle with how to feed myself. I can’t afford to pay for checkups so whenever a man proposes to me, I tell him to take me to the hospital first to make sure whether I am able to conceive or not. And they run from me after that.

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What image represents you?

I think I represent a shadow as whenever I try to marry my history is a flashback or shadow that never leaves me alone to think about it and I fear that shadow.

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Sagal's Story

I am into 10 years of marriage. I have experienced years of emotional abuse. I sometimes wonder if women were created to endure all the pain caused by men. All those years my husband never offered a single helping hand to his children, whether a financial assistant or emotional support. I was always the one chasing after the dreams and the responsibilities of my children until he disappeared from me recently, I have five children that need my help.

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What image represents you?

The bright moon with a star around that is invisible but struggling to appear one day when it turns to night and the star is so visible shining like a star of course.

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Caaisho's Story

My sister and I were like slaves in our family house. My male siblings were always given priority by my parents when came to speaking, expressing what they felt or thought, or even in the decision making of the little things at the house. We never were sent to school. We had to take care of preparing and cooking the meals for our brothers, wash the dishes when they finish eating, make their beds, wash their clothes. We were raised as if the men are our Gods. And, we were always told that it is shame to speak when men speak or it is shame to speak about a man’s fault (if he does any wrong to you and such).

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At the age of fourteen, my cousin and I were forced to marry each other. I was already miserable in the life I had with my family, hurt psychologically and physically exhausted. When I got married to my cousin, who became my husband, he started to treat me even worse. He said repeatedly that I was never worthy to be his wife and I am the last women he could think to marry. And sometimes he said ‘leave, [go] far away. Why are you with me?’ and such bad words. What’s even worse is that he approaches me and he uses me horribly when he needs sex; without tenderness or intimacy. I felt like I was like an object to both my husband and family. After 15 years of marriage, I had birthed ten children. Until one day, he disappeared. I raised my kids, I told them ‘never share any of those past memories and we left far away from my family.

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What image represents you?

I think what represents me is the brain and the heart. I believe if I wouldn’t have them, I couldn’t be able to raise my children with love above all the bad culture and unkindness I was raised with.

Uba's Story

When I was younger, I experienced female genital mutilation (FGM). When I was married, my husband took me to the clinic on our first night to open my vaginal stitches. Earlier that night he tried and failed to have sex with me. I bled and bled, telling him to stop, but he didn’t. My stitches were opened by a doctor and we returned back home. I thought he will ask me to rest this time because I was bleeding heavily and I was in so much pain. However, he did not wait and continued until he ejaculated. The next night I run away from him to my family as I had a strong and loving grandmother. He called and he was embarrassed. He promised he wouldn’t do that again. I become strong enough to say ‘No’ some nights when he approached me. But then, he would refuse to pay the bills, (foodstuff, groceries or children’s stuff) etc. punishing me because I said no. There were some nights even though I felt pain and was in no mood to have sex. Yet I had to accept him so that my child or myself would not go hungry. Eventually, he divorced me and disappeared.

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What image represents you?

A flower. It is as if I am newly born after SWAM started to take care of me. They helped me learn to speak up and learn my rights. I am sure if I had known all this before, I wouldn’t have experienced all those pain. I would have spoken up.

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Jawaahir's Story

A guy from a powerful clan and a police officer proposed to me. I didn’t know him, so I refused. The next day, he sent armed gangs. They shot my brother’s leg and kidnapped my father. He wouldn’t return him until I accepted his marriage. In order to save my family, I realised I didn’t have a choice but to accept. After the marriage, he was abusive. He never allowed me to even go to the market or buy stuff. He used to beat me, he burned my vagina with a matchstick, he used to play with my body like a doll. I still have several scars on my body that he caused. I gave birth to three children. One day he was sick and I got the chance to escape. So, I run away secretly, contacted my family to flee from the village as well. I fled until I ended up in Malaysia. 5 years later I have received messages from him saying that he is coming to Malaysia to murder me. He said I belong to him, and I can’t get away from him. I started to have flashbacks and changed my phone number. I am always scared and I always change my number as each year passes.

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What image represents you?

I feel like I am that broken mirror. Since cracked mirrors are very rarely repairable, I feel I lost myself. I feel to be able to find I am,  I need to be someone else. A person who endures the pain and accepts the destiny to fight for what I was always entitled to.

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Leylo's Story

I belong to a minor clan that the other Somali powerful clans call Midgaan or Jarer. I was a maidservant working for a family when one day a man from the family proposed to me. He didn’t ask about my tribe. After we got married, he realized I am from one of the Somali minority clans. He demanded I return all that he has given me, because that I deceived him. One day, his family members came with him to attack me. Just because I am not from a powerful clan like them. I was beaten up, almost tortured and they left me unconscious. There was an old lady that I knew. She was my far relative. After I was beaten, I called her. She sent her daughter to me. I was taken to their house as my family members were in another region very far away from where I was. I heard my husband’s family were looking for me to kill me. I was helped by the old lady, who arranged my flight to Malaysia secretly. I had run away, but now that I am here. I don’t have any relatives. I am cleaning now for another family. But, I am unable to attend language courses, because if I miss working one single day, I won’t be able to feed myself or pay my rent. Life is even harder after I registered under UNHCR. I feel like I am stuck here. I feel too exhausted.

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What image represents you?

I am a woman alone looking for protection and freedom. The Somali government has declined and ignored the rights of my people who are in the minority. We can’t own property, our lands and farms are robbed. If our girls get raped and there is no protection from the government or justice served because we are the minority. We are despised by the other powerful clans. They don’t even want to get married to us. I don’t belong to my own people. I am a stranger among them and I need international protection. I need justice, equality and humanity most of all. Justice for me is having protection and no longer being isolated, but being able to connect to my own people with equal rights to exist.

Idil's Story

I was cut with a razor blade and stitched up with acacia thorns. My sister was the first to get circumcised. When I saw my sister’s blood, I got shocked and scared. I ran and ran, away as fast as I could. But I was only 8 and I was caught. That’s when they mutilated me.

No antibiotics, no painkillers.

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After, they poured Malmal into our vaginas. Malmal is a Myrrha; a gum resin obtained from a tree. These resins are said to have medicinal properties and the locals in Somalia, who call it Malmal, use it as an antibiotic.

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I become traumatised. And, I could say that incident was the worst GBV I ever encountered. In addition to that, I never got one day to rest from the housework. School and education weren’t on the schedule list for my parents. All I remember was running and serving the needs of our family members or husbands. We are never compensated even one time or been asked what we want.

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What image represents you?

This butterfly, I fly everywhere and I become free from abuse and thanks to the Somali women’s association centre who stood up for the women to teach their rights. Now I treat my children, the boys and girls the same. I feel I gained freedom that I had never lived with.

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Fowsio's Story

I was born with asthma and hyperthyroidism. As I grew up, I saw I thought differently and looked different to many of the other children.

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I was always looked sick. I cried during my childhood, as I couldn’t understand anything. I hated going to school as people made fun of me how I look. My parents kept me home and made me their maid, we were a big family in number and I had to serve everyone in the family. My parents used to beat me most of the time. They knew and they could see I wasn’t well or ‘normal’.  Even my siblings and parents used to make fun of me, despise me that I even can’t add a word into a conversation. I used to cry and felt I am not belonging to my own family. When I turned 18, I met a guy and I thought to marry him to free myself from the hell I was in. I eloped and after a few weeks my husband suggested we meet my family, we paid a visit. However, my parents asked one of my brothers to shoot me if I tried to leave with my husband. They had a gun. They loaded the gun threatening me but luckily, I wasn’t shot after all. I left with my husband and we went far away. As I was continued to suffer from memories from my childhood. I conceived 7 times, but most of my children were stillborn. Two of them were born alive, though also died after a few days. My husband left me either after many years because I was sick.

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What image represents you?

I feel I was like a fly. Everyone hates flies and try to destroy them; I feel I am destroyed.

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Hibaaq's Story

I got married at a young age. I have four children – three daughters and a son. When I gave birth to my first baby boy, my husband was happy. However, after I gave birth to a girl, he was not as happy as he was with the boy. And then I gave birth to another girl. He asked me to give him only boys after this. But, I gave birth to another girl, and he started to warn me and threaten me that he will leave. I become so afraid of him and pray that I conceive a boy, it was the darkest years of my life. I developed delusions and nightmares that never leave me. I gave birth again and I become so disturbed emotionally devastated, depressed and anxious. I gave birth to a girl; the fourth one. My husband left me and married another woman just because I gave birth to girls instead of boys. This broke me into pieces, however, I decided to be there for my children and start fresh somewhere far. I ended up in Malaysia. I am that single mother who always hesitates what to tell my children if they ask me the reason their father never wanted them. I had to go far away. I was revived and went back to school learnt some basic English and Maths, and I was able to work as a shopkeeper before the lockdowns happened.

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What image represents you?

I think what represents me is the moon, I am bright and tolerant and I will always be bright, I couldn’t be hidden just because I am a mother of three daughters.

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Aamiina's Story

I was an active student, but due to the discrimination of society, I stopped going to school! I was called names I couldn’t tolerate; I asked my mother why I am different from those students she said because I am special but this didn’t stop things from getting worse.

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Every day when I walked to school not only did the school children but also people I met while I walked, throw insults at me. Abusing my tribe because my clan are mostly segregated and called a minority. My parents didn’t want me to share this with me. But, I still found out and experienced it myself from others in the community. So I could say my society is the reason I am lost and uneducated.

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They teach the tribe and clan their children at a young age so the child grows with a toxic mindset segregating the other people in the country they recognize as a minority.

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What image represents you?

I think what represents me is education, to educate myself and educate the other arrogant in the country especially the changed mindset of the children, I can only fight back using my education as a weapon.

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Deqa's Story

I was only 15 years old when a strange man visited our house in Somalia asking me to marry their son. They brought some cash to my family; my family was poor and they didn’t ask for my consent but arranged the wedding. So, I lived for a few months with a stranger for a husband. After several months, his family members and relatives used to come to our house and ask me why I was not pregnant? My husband used to emotionally abuse me, neglect me and call me names. Two years later and I still couldn’t conceive, so he married another woman. But, still, he threatened me, saying I couldn’t leave because he paid money to my parents. He refused to divorce me, but he also wouldn’t treat me as his wife either. His new wife got pregnant. But, still one of the nights he came to rape me. His brother was at the house, but he wouldn’t say a word to stop him, not even when I screamed. He told me if I ever try to speak to my family or his family, or anyone in our society, no one will believe me. He is a man, he said, and our society will listen to him. So, he would come every other night to rape me. I was in pain for several weeks. Finally, he divorced me when his wife gave birth. I went back to my parents’ house. Nevertheless, after some time, another man from Al-Shabaab come to propose to me. This time, my parents refused, because I was ill. They killed my father and we ran. My neighbours assisted me in my escape and when I arrived in Malaysia, with the help of my community I went to a doctor. He told me I am infertile. I needed to immediately to remove my uterus, due to being raped violently had caused my unprepared uterus to be damaged. Giving me hyperthyroidism. Currently, I can’t afford even to have my uterus removed and even though it is causing me a lot of pain.

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What image represents you?

I feel darkness is what represents me now, with no hope for the future or having my own kids.

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Naadia's Story

I was married to a man who loved me. However, his family members didn’t allow the marriage, as some clans in Somalia doesn’t accept marrying other clans. My husband took me far away from them, we lived happily for a while. However, one dark day, I discovered he was killed in Somalia. I screamed and cried for help, but instead of helping, I was raped by a few men armed with guns. They took off my clothes and made me naked. Making fun of me, touching my body parts and eventually, they tortured me. They left me unconscious. The neighbours do not offer help, because they could get killed as well. As soon as they left, everyone came to help. I was moved to another house to heal. I attempted suicide a few times but it didn’t work.

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I become a widowed mother with five children under ten years of age. When I arrived in Malaysia, I attempted suicide once again. Luckily, the Somali women’s association Malaysia (SWAM) helped me with my recovery process. They helped me understand why I felt the way I did. I have all this responsibility for my children all alone. I can’t even feed them. In Malaysia, we do not have access to healthcare, school or other things. We need help with school fees, housing and other living assistance. All of this together made me feel I wanted to be dead and to just rest in peace away from all of this.

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What image represents you?

This image: It is me dragging the burden that is on me the responsibility of my children.